The Angry Blog of a None Angry Girl

Dying Alone

This is the one thought that always pains me at the most inopportune moments. Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life?

I like to think that ‘no’ is the response, but the little voice(s) in my head never cease no matter how strong my convictions.

I’m 18 and I’ve never had a boyfriend. Honestly, and speaking as frankly as I can, I do not mind, in fact, I enjoy the single life.

When I see girls, or guys too, who NEED to be in a relationship constantly, even though it may not be the best thing in their life at that moment, it annoys the hell out of me. I find it all quite pathetic, in fact. Nothing’s going to end if you’re single for a while, it can even be quite healthy.

So I must say, I enjoy being single. I can be selfish, do what I want without answering to anyone, this is a special kind of freedom that I have that I don’t want to give up. Ever.

However, I do long to have a family, children, and a sweet husband who I can grow old with.

I’m sure this is in my future, it has to be. I’m a good person, I think I deserve to be loved.

But the older I get, the more I fear it would seem odd that I never had a boyfriend. Mind you I also don’t plan to have a boyfriend anytime in the near or foreseeable future. Not that I would stop it if it occurred, but I’m not actively looking for anyone at the moment.

Does it seem odd? Would a potential boyfriend actually relish the thought that I am, in some sense, ‘fresh,’ for lack of a better word. I hope this is the case, since the only real issue I have with never having a boyfriend is that once I do have one, it would seem odd that I never had one before.

I really need to stop because I like the thought that I have been single for so long. When I hear a girl talk about her middle school sweetheart I just think ‘Really? Middle school? You needed to date that early on in your life? Really?’ though I suppose it is better to date early than to have sex early…

A Friend.

I’m not even sure if I still consider you my friend. You consider me your friend, but meh.

I met you when we were in ninth grade together and for two years I had the biggest crush on you, however, those feelings were never reciprocated. I honestly don’t mind. In retrospect, not reciprocating my feelings is Probably the nicest thing you’ve ever done for me and it wasn’t even intentional.

It took me a while to get over you, and when I finally did, I don’t even know why I liked you to begin with. You’re, in a nutshell, a whiny bitch who doesn’t care about anyone other than himself. You complain to me all the time about how it’s tough living with you mother because she’s so overbearing, and how you never have any money. I listened to you because, you know, that’s what friends do. However, whenever I tried to tell you about some issue I was having, not too serious since I don’t trust you with serious information, but still a concern nonetheless, you would always ALWAYS blow me off. You would look anywhere but at me, try to change the subject, talk to whoever happened on by.

I figured, after the umpteenth time of you doing that the only reason you told me anything about your home life is for pity. What you didn’t know is that I fucking hate people who do that since my dad does this all the time.

Once I finally caught on to what you were doing, I completely started to, or at least tried to avoid you whenever you began to bitch about something. And of course whenever I told you to stop complaining and to be a big boy, you would get offended and accuse me of not being a true friend. So to avoid further drama from you and from one of my best friends who is, incidentally, also your best friend, I just continued to be nice and if at all possible, walk away from you just to keep myself from being upset.

Now that we’re out of high school, I try real hard to not talk to you, yet you still talk to me. I’m polite about it, the whole month during summer when we didn’t talk AT ALL was pretty fucking amazing though. And our mutual best friend is becoming more understanding of my distaste towards you. I also think he likes me more than you since he is also like me, he hides his emotions and just let’s you bitch to your heart’s content. He is a lot more tolerant of that then I am, but I’m sure he’ll soon get tired of you as well.

When you said you might go to the university of wisconsin, I was ecstatic because it was so far away. We were bound to lose contact if I had anything to say about that. However, you didn’t go, too expense and not enough scholarships for you. You were sad, but what did you honestly expect? You were a lousy student and though you said you ‘cared’ about your grades, you really didn’t.

So hopefully I’ll never have to see you unless mutual acquaintances have get togethers, but other than that, I never want to see you again.

Have a good life and thanks for making me realize that I should be smarter when it comes to what type of guys I should like. Toodles.

RL Friends

Argh!

There’s a reason why I try to never disclose my online information to people I know in real life. ESPECIALLY if those people aren’t particularly close friends. Because when I bitch about someone, they go and show that blog to EVERYONE and then other people come and confront me about it!

(At least when close RL friends follow me, they’re on my side)

My internet life is my internet life! It’s a completely separate entity from my real life! Facebook is actually the only Internet space I have that’s reserved for purely RL friends.

So now, because just 1 girl in my university follows me in my open tumblr, I am force to use my anon tumblr instead.

I know this tumblr was created so i can bitch and moan all I want without anyone knowing it’s me, but it’s so annoying that I can’t put up everything I want to put up in my other tumblr because it might affect my real life!

So. Frustrating.

Introduction

Creating this blog occurred to me last night when it was impossible for me to fall asleep as I was thinking of all the crap that has happened to me in my life.

In real life, I like to think I am a charming, happy-go-lucky, strong young woman. It is impossible for me to stay angry for a long time and I’m very optimistic. I try, and for the most part succeed, to only have positive things in my life, since good things attract good things. I have found this to be a constant truth in my life.

I never speak up my negative feelings. The fact that I keep quiet about how angry or upset I am, for whatever reason, is probably not the best thing for me to do. Though I’ve spent 18 years of my life doing this, and I’m not going to change a good thing while it’s still working. 

I tend to vent to a friend, but I think it’s unfair for her to hear all my issues. 

So this blog is my own personal place where I can do just that, vent. 

What I want to scream on the top of my lungs I will write on here. I’ll even try to be eloquent if I can manage it. I want to do this so I can say all my issues without being blown off, without feeling guilt for unleashing these feelings to a friend, and so I can have a less fretful sleep.

However, I want to clarify things before I start:

• I DO NOT WANT PITY FROM ANYONE. That is not why I created this. I hate people who talk about their issues so people will pity them. I know several people like this and they disgust me. Hence why this is anonymous.
• DO NOT SAY IT WILL BE OKAY. I am not depressed. I have never considered suicide in my life. I know any issues I have will end, they always do. So yes, I already know it will be okay, I don’t need someone to say it to me. It just sounds like I’m being blown off, that’s why I don’t want to hear it.
• DO NOT SAY IT COULD BE WORSE. I know full well it could be worse. You know what? I do not care. This is my life, my blog, and I’ll vent about my issues all I want without caring about other people’s problems.

I don’t want to upset anyone with this blog, and if you don’t like what you read, then don’t read it! And if you do read this blog for whatever reason, I hope you enjoy it as the drama that is my life. Heck, I do that all the time. So no worries about that.